Wait, did you just say what I think you did? #ihatecorporatelingo

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Have you ever felt like misfit in a large crowd? Like you didn’t belong to a certain place; a place where the people were nice but the language was different and words that meant something to you mean something totally different to the creatures of this mystical land? 

No, this is not a another take on Sting’s “English Man in New York” but a real life experience of a creative person who was picked up from a local radio station and put in one of the biggest IT firms of the world. This article is about how words that she grew up with suddenly meant something totally different.

So without wasting another minute lets jump into the top six words that left me confused beyond belief in my first few months of being a corporate slave.

1) Bandwidth – Remember how this meant the speed of your internet? Apparently in the corporate world it means the amount of “free” time you have. If you had bandwidth that meant you could take up other projects. It surely didn’t mean the specific amount of internet that every employee was allotted for finishing their work. It didn’t mean that asking for bandwidth meant you exhausted your limit because you worked too hard and thus had to borrow from other! #EPICFAIL

2) MTV – Like any normal person who grew up in the 90’s watching Music Television, whenever the word MTV appeared on my laptop screen, I figured my company was  working with the TV channel and when I met people who had worked in MTV for a quarter, I figured, “ok great, this company allows employees to work with Music TV, that should be fun!” But soon (after almost a week of disillusionment), my dreams of going on the sets of MTV were shattered because MTV stood for Mountain view in California, the place were most IT companies have their headquarters. #Facepalm

3)  WFH – On a day when every one decided to bunk office (and I like a stupid fool decided not to), I logged onto my official gmail to see most of my friends, those who hadn’t come in, update their status to “WFH” and I am wondering, ‘something bad must have happened with them else why would they update their status to “What F*$*ing Hell!“‘. Apparently, it means “WORK FROM HOME”! Really, who would have guessed that? #theFinWFHisnotthesameasWTF

4) OOO – It was funny enough to see this on people’s calendar but when they referred to themselves being ‘OOO’ on a certain day, I figured it might be a special company call that employees have to make, in order to gather other employees (like a mating call but not meant for mating rather meetings). I thanked my stars the day I learnt it meant “Out Of Office” – it felt weird uttering ‘OOO’. #wOOOtwOOOt

5) Horus – It was the software that helped us manage our time – the good thing is that I didn’t misinterpret the meaning of this one but I always  chuckled a little when my manager said “Did you fill the Horus?” “your Horus was not filled correctly”. “You need to fill your Horus on time” #LOLLINGALLTHEWAY 

6) Dogfood – I challenge you to Google ‘Dog food’ and see the top 10 results; now forget everything you just saw and get ready to be amazed. ‘Dogfood’ in my company meant testing a new software before it rolled out onto the App Store – yes this shocked me the MOST. #itisnotwhatitis.

I have gotten over most of my bafflement and now I am happily settled in a new job that never uses these words in a different context but it was fun using them differently and confusing other people who didn’t work in the same company as me!

If you like what you read you could like Bubble Wrap Inc. on facebook.com/bubblewrapinc or follow it on @bubblewrapinc

Until next time.

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